Friday, January 15, 2010

Oh, The Horror!

Day two began with a complete physical, for which I was 20 minutes late. I actually arrived at the doctor's office on time, but sat in my car for 20 minutes debating whether or not to enter. Actually, I considered abandoning ship, entirely--refusing to participate in the half-marathon, deleting this blog, and hiding from my overly persistent girlfriends. I was perfectly willing to throw it all away, just to avoid the horror that awaited me within those walls.

Interestingly, I am not an unhealthy person. My fear of doctors is completely unfounded--especially considering that my mother is a nurse, and my nauseatingly fit sister is in her third year of medical school. (Side note: I promised that I would mention my youngest sister in this blog. We will call her the "irritatingly pretty sister.") Perhaps I can best explain my cowardice by comparing the process of the physical to that of a particularly diabolical obstacle course:

Obstacle 1: The receptionist:
As a rule, the receptionists at physicians' offices are not kind to the habitually tardy. This one was no exception. We have met before--she hates me. I could sense her disdain as I signed the ubiquitous clipboard. She glared at me and informed me that she would ask my physician if she would still see me. For a brief moment, I sensed imminent escape--if she won't see me, then I am free! My hopes were dashed, however, when the delightful receptionist grudgingly informed me that I would be seen.

Obstacle 2: The scale:
This ruthlessly unforgiving monstrosity has been taunting me for many years. Just when I begin to believe that my dryer shrank every piece of clothing I own, my eternal foe jerks me right back to the harsh reality of the most dreaded number imaginable--my weight.

Obstacle 3: The Reckoning:
As I faced the she-devil I call my physician, I braced myself for her wrath. I had gained 20 lbs since my last appointment six months ago. I took my lecture like a man and assured her that everything was about to change. I filled her in on my new endeavor. I was pleasantly surprised when she gave me some tips and pledged her support. Perhaps she is not the demon I once thought...

Obstacle 4: The Pap Smear:
Enough said.

Obstacle 5: Lab Work:
Needles, blood, and urine--these are not a few of my favorite things. However, I did experience something new. While drawing my blood, the lab tech discovered that I am a counselor. She actually followed me into the bathroom, closed the door, and proceeded to ask my advice concerning a personal dilemma. During our conversation, I actually caught myself gesturing emphatically with my urine cup. After an impromptu therapy session, I obediently filled the cup and was on my way.

Freedom! I made it out of this medical house of horrors safely with a dose of the H1N1 vaccine, a clean bill of health, and my physician's blessing to begin training.

As promised, I completed my mile walk. I opted for a walk outside with my hubby and dog instead of the treadmill.

Day three's assignment: venturing into the gym...


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  2. Lynne, you are so right about the MD office experience. I have also experienced every obstacle mentioned, except the counseling session in the bathroom! Good luck in the gym....

  3. Lynnard! I am so proud of you! Keep it up! The writing is fantastic! You can do this! Love you!

  4. I love this blog! Your talent and will power are both flourshing.